A Real Doll

I might be in big trouble with Mattel Toys. Using their raw materials, I invented the “Dr. Lisa Doll” and soon everyone is going to want one. 

Our infamous Dr. Lisa Graham celebrated a birthday recently and I thought she might find it fun to own a doll fashioned after herself. With no ability to start from scratch, however, I went on the hunt for existing Barbies. Unfortunately, the only “doctor” Barbie doll I could find had blond hair. That wouldn’t do, not when the real live version wears a gorgeous head of brown tresses only God could create. So I bought two Barbies—the blond pediatrician in a white lab coat, stethoscope, and pink mini-skirt (what else?), and the brunette princess in a fancy ball gown and tiara. I figured I could simply remove the tiara and swap the heads. Easy-peazy, right?

Who knew Barbie doll heads didn’t simply pop on and off like they did when I was a kid? Though Heaven knows, I tried. They just don’t make things like they used to. Bummer. (Although on a side note, I do appreciate Mattel adjusting the impossible figure of yesterday’s Barbie doll to something slightly more realistic in terms of human measurements.)

With the heads refusing to budge, the only thing to do was swap the dolls’ outfits, which took a lot longer than one might think. At least two things haven’t changed: her shoes still don’t stay on her feet, and those blasted little high heels still hurt when you step on them.

And let’s not forget the accessories. The pediatrician Barbie came with a little baby in her arms. Although Dr. Lisa certainly treats several young patients, the majority are adults. So I removed the baby and replaced it with a stack of miniature white towels made by cutting up a washcloth. Those of you who frequent the clinic will know all about the white towels. Some like ‘em hot.

 

For her second prop, the Dr. Lisa doll holds a teeny version of the Forks Over Knives cookbook. This was easily accomplished by snagging a picture of the book from Amazon.com, printing it, and cutting it out. 

I then attached a tiny pink “Dr. Lisa” name tag to her white lab coat, and back into the box she went, the word “Barbie” now covered by the words “Dr. Lisa” on the front of the box. I gift-wrapped it before Mattel Toys Inc. could catch up with me.

Of course, that left me with a blond princess wearing a tiara and holding a tiny baby doll for the remaining box. I’ll save her for the day somebody needs a Prom Queen Mommy doll.

My intent was to sneak the gift into Dr. Lisa’s office anonymously, but she’s too clever a sleuth. Or I’m too dumb a sneak. Anyway, she knew it came from me. But that’s okay, because she loved it and this way, I get to blog about it.

Mark my words, this doll is going to take off. I’m sure all Dr. Lisa’s patients will want one of their own. (Admittedly, a few might want one merely so they can stick pins into it when she prescribes an end to their cupcakes, but I can’t help that.) 

Do you suppose Mattel Toys will give me my fair share of the profits? Yeah, me neither.